If it can be virtualised, containerised, or blamed on the cloud, we sell it. Below is our complete, fully buzzword-compliant offering.
Bare-metal, virtualised, or "borrowed" servers, provisioned by whichever troop member found a spare rack. Redundancy is achieved through hope and a second banana.
SLA: best effort, effort not guaranteed
A fully managed platform layer that automatically pages your on-call engineer at 3am for reasons that resolve themselves by 9am, right before the retro.
Incident response: vibes-based
A subscription product that does exactly what the last vendor's did, but the login button has moved, and support now only responds in Pascal.
Cancel anytime, we will not process it
Our flagship offering. Development happens entirely within the dreams of our developers, before the ticket is written, before the meeting is scheduled, before the problem exists.
Standup occurs during REM sleep
A dedicated virtual server paired with a support contract that guarantees a response, but never a solution, and definitely never in your timezone.
Ticket status: "looking into it" (2019–present)
Your production environment, hosted on a rack in a shed behind our CTO's house in Auckland. Cooling is provided by an open window and low expectations.
Uptime affected by rugby, rain, and rats
Everyone shifts testing left. We went further. Our engineers now write the code in their sleep, the night before the client even has the idea. By the time you send the brief, it's already three sprints behind.
Every other consultancy chases the latest framework. We chase nothing. We have already arrived, decades ago, and we are not leaving.
Eight symbols. Zero readability. Every one of our microservices is written in it, on principle, and partly because we've forgotten how to stop.
Structured, verbose, and never once asked to leave the building. Our fintech add-ons are quietly powered by BEGIN/END blocks from 1987.
Every server, laptop, and load balancer. We use Arch. We will tell you, unprompted, in every meeting.
For "modern" fintech integrations. It has outlived three CEOs and will outlive this website.
The only language that requires you to say PLEASE. Our support team could learn from it.
We resolved the vi-versus-emacs war internally by refusing both and standardising on the one editor with no visible mode at all.
Spaces advocates are welcome to apply. Historically, they do not last the quarter.
We tried it once. Nobody, including the compiler, understood what happened. It's still running.
Neither are we. Let's schedule a sales engagement and figure it out together, slowly, at an hourly rate.
Talk to Sales