We deliver mission-critical infrastructure in the languages your last three engineers refused to touch. Full-stack. Full-troop. Fully insured (we are not insured).
DevOoops /dɛv-ups/, noun.
Like DevOps, but every merge is a live experiment, every rollback is aspirational, and "root cause" is just the last monkey standing when the pager went off.
Same buzzwords. Same org chart. Same crushing sense of technical debt. The only difference is we're honest about the monkey part.
Every engagement follows our proprietary framework: Agile-Waterfall-Kanban Hybrid™, reviewed quarterly by whichever troop member hasn't thrown anything yet.
We offer the full alphabet of managed cloud offerings, delivered with the confidence of a company that has never once read the documentation.
Your servers, hosted on hardware we found. Redundancy is provided by hoping really hard.
SLA: best effort, effort not guaranteed
A fully managed platform that pages your on-call engineer at 3am for reasons neither of you will ever understand.
Incident response: vibes-based
Our Shift-Far-Left methodology means development now happens entirely in the dreams of our developers, before the ticket is even written.
Standup occurs during REM sleep
Modern tooling is for people who are afraid of commitment. We are not afraid. We are, however, extremely behind schedule.
Our primary production language. Eight symbols. Infinite job security.
Because BEGIN and END are the only two opinions our team has ever agreed on.
Every server. Every laptop. Every toaster. We use Arch, by the way.
The only language with a mandatory "PLEASE" statement, which is more courtesy than our support line offers.
Traditional DevOps shifts testing earlier in the pipeline. We took it further: our developers now write code exclusively while asleep, meaning bugs are shipped before requirements are gathered, which we consider a form of time travel.
"We asked for a simple login page. We received a fully sentient Pascal microservice named Trevor. He has opinions now. Ten out of ten, would regret again."
— Kevin, VP of Regret at a company we're not legally allowed to name
We're not going to pretend this is a good idea. We are going to send you an invoice regardless.
